Failure

How easy it is to fall back into old ways. I feel like I was never really free of them. I have grown up learning about grace, repentance, salvation, yet I seem to be unable to truly grasp these concepts. I obviously "enjoy" sinful things, but I also know that they bring misery. Why am I so stubborn about doing things that harm me?

It all starts with food. Seriously. The moment I indulge in something edible is the moment I start down the slippery path to destruction. It may start earlier, but that's the moment that seals the deal. Lately I have become even more lazy about cooking. I eat out more than I should and buy food that I can prepare quickly, food that has no nutritional value but tastes great. They say the mind and body are connected and what we eat affects the strength of our brain. I am sure this is true, but I think the major factor is that I make one choice that I know is bad for me. Why not make some more?

I feel trapped by my own stubbornness, like I will never want salvation bad enough. I let go once before and God worked in my life as I had never seen Him do before, but I can't seem to return to that mindset. I am constantly reminded that I've been there before and have come back to my old ways. Will I ever stop this horrible cycle?